


Vocalization

by Tarlan



Category: Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Community: smallfandomfest, M/M, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Trope Bingo Round 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1711265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan comes to terms with the fact that he doesn't want to lose Billy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vocalization

**Author's Note:**

> Written for:  
>  **Smallfandomfest** FEST15  
>  **Trope Bingo** Round 3: Poor communication skills  
>  **MMoM 2014** : DAY 29

They had been running for their lives ever since the Pteranodon cage, so when they did finally gain a small respite in the branches of a tree, Alan had still been high on adrenaline. As he slowly came down and he had time to think again, he recalled Eric's words on the boat about Billy. He thought of how eloquently he had tried to explain to Eric the differences between him and Billy, describing Billy and his need to reach out and touch. It still stunned him that a boy he had known for little more than a day had a far better insight into people - into Billy - than he did, even though he had worked side by side with Billy at the dig site for almost a year.

It was Billy's nature to reach for the stars rather than study them at a distance - to be the astronaut rather than the astronomer - and Alan had always known this deep down. Billy was the risk taker, with the youthful belief of immortality as his lucky bag confirmed. He was the one who had gambled some of their dig money to produce the 3D prototype of the velociraptor's resonating chamber, allowing Alan to touch and hear something all too real. If it had been up to Alan then he'd still be staring at just the fossilized bones and wondering if it was the same as Hammond's creation.

The noise made as Billy blew into the resonating chamber had made him shiver because he remembered that sound all too well. It had haunted his nightmares for months following the incident on Isla Nublar - at Jurassic Park.

Alan recalled asking Ellie if she remembered how they had sounded, and he had explained how he thought the raptors had a means of vocalizing to a far greater degree than was previously believed. Now he knew he was right, that they could talk to one another. He knew they would have been the dominant species on the planet if disaster had not struck 350 million years earlier, ending the reign of the dinosaurs. Now Hammond had thrown them all back into the mix with humanity, and if the raptors ever made their way off this island then it might be the beginning of the end for mankind's dominance.

Perhaps this was why he had been so angry with Billy for stealing a velociraptor egg.

Alan considered his last words to Billy, and even though he knew those words had come from stress and fear, he had meant them at the time. Yet he knew Billy. He knew he wasn't like Hammond's nephew, seeing only to turn a profit from the dinosaur monsters that Hammond had created. He knew Billy had no intention of keeping any of the money he had hoped to gain from selling the egg, that he had planned to give all of it over to Alan to fund the dig.

Billy simply hadn't considered the consequences of his actions, of how the egg could provide DNA for InGen or a rival company to clone more of these monsters. Perhaps if Alan had stopped to explain rather than berate the younger man so angrily, then perhaps Billy might still be alive now.

He'd never been good with living things - people - so he had left most of the people wrangling to Billy. Yet it occurred to him now that he had got along well with Billy, that Billy had always managed to smooth Alan's ruffled feathers, accepting his dry sarcasm with bright smiles and breathy laughs. It occurred to him too that Billy had always tried so hard to please him, to save him, whether that was from financial ruin or from the attack of pteranodons.

The rest of the night passed slowly - not so much out of a fear to fall asleep while in dangerous territory but more because his mind was overflowing with memories of Billy. For the first time he stopped to think about Billy's actions since the moment they first met, and it shocked him to realize that Billy had loved him.

He recalled losing track one night at the dig and walking in on Billy unannounced, confused for a moment when Billy scrabbled to pull up his blanket, looking flushed with embarrassment. He'd felt just as embarrassed when he realized he had walked in on Billy masturbating, quickly ducking back outside the tent and pretending he'd seen nothing when Billy emerged a few minutes later, still looking a little flustered.

He had felt so guilty for sinking into his own private fantasy of Billy later than night, letting his memory of Billy's flushed face and shining eyes feed into his own desire. He had spilled into his own hand with Billy's name whispered hoarsely into the darkness.

Now he wondered if the reason why Billy had been so embarrassed was because he had been fantasizing about _him_.

A sharp pain stabbed into Alan's chest because he would never know. Billy was gone. Dead.

***

Alan grinned in bitter relief when the large helicopter came in to land. He and the Kirbys were saved but Alan wasn't sure it had been worth the high price he had paid in losing Billy. When the man with the bullhorn stopped him and indicated towards an injured man inside the helicopter, Alan was confused at first because the Kirbys had seen Udesky's neck being snapped by a raptor. Perhaps they had been wrong though as he knew for certain that it could not be Nash or Cooper - and his mind refused to allow him the hope that it was Billy.

As soon as he turned though, he recognized the younger man beneath the heavy bandages. He hadn't realized how hard it had been to breath over this past day, not until the weight lifted from his chest while he stood over Billy, hearing his voice and seeing his smile. He took his hat from Billy, making some trite comment and could barely hold in his elation even as he was ordered to take a seat.

Eric knew though. Eight weeks alone on this inhospitable island had turned the boy into a man, and it reminded Alan of something else Ellie had said to him that last day.

Don't be afraid to evolve.

It occurred to Alan that Isla Nublar had damaged his love of dinosaurs - something that Eric had mentioned when he had talked about Alan's books inside that overturned container vehicle. Whereas this island had torn down Alan's walls of denial concerning Billy.

It had taken losing Billy for him to recognized how important Billy was to him; how he filled all the dark corners of Alan's life with his bright presence, and now Billy was back - injured but gloriously alive. Alan knew he could not lose Billy again. This time he had to find the right words to let Billy know how much he was loved in return - and if Alan couldn't find those words then there were other ways to communicate that didn't require vocalization.

As he stared out of the helicopter's window, he smiled as he thought of all the ways he could tell Billy without ever saying a word.

END

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